 Patients say/do funny things
From You're biting my fingers by Y.R.U. LAFFING :
Sick notes for employees are a common occurrence dear reader. But please take an earful of this particular circumstance. Prior to this I honestly believed I had seen everything strange pertaining to the practice of dentistry during my long career. But that was until this patient turns up for an extraction. The tooth was removed without complication and he went back to work bleeding a bloody trail on the way. My assistant was the first to sense something different in the surgery after his departure. She mentioned this to me resulting in the two of us searching the place for something ‘missing’. Neither of us could put a finger on it but there was definitely something unaccounted-for. A call came in the next day. It was the employer of the patient I had done the extraction on the day before. Expecting a complaint like I had left a remnant of tooth behind, or the empty socket was hurting like hell...something in that vein, I took the call with a heavy heart. I’m relieved to say that it was not a complaint about the treatment, but rather bewilderment over the sick note. “He never asked for one,” I answered. “I’ll fax one immediately,” I then offered.
The amusement in her voice turned to hysterical laughter. It was a nice change I can tell you dear reader. What came immediately to mind was the assumption that the caller was an inmate at a lunatic asylum of sorts.
“Care to share the joke?” I asked.
“Do you have a certificate relating to your qualification as a dentist?” she asked.
“What type of a question is that?” I answered.
“A very pertinent one,” she answered.
“Of course I have. What is it to you?”
“Can I ask you where it is then?”
“Hanging on the wall in the main surgery,” I replied with more than a little bewilderment in my voice.
“Would you check if it’s still there?”
“Of course it is!”
“Please!” she said.
I walked out my office and entered the adjacent surgery while shaking my head at the absurdity of this conversation. Then it hit me, the reason why my assistant and I had experienced that feeling of something having gone missing. Could it be that it was no figment of our imaginations? The framed certificate that normally hung on the wall was no longer there. I just stood gaping at the bare space, which showed only the much whiter outline of where the rectangular framed certificate of the university degree once hung.
“What is this?” I shouted into the telephone on my return.
“My employee was instructed to bring a doctor’s certificate back with him. I am looking at yours as we speak. As you never gave him one, he took what he thought was a legitimate one off your wall, frame and all.”
“At least your employees do as you ask,” I replied laughing. “Mine take no notice.” | 
